Tuesday, May 22, 2012

What I Love About Catholicism: The Maturity Model

Since returning to the Catholic Church, I often think about the differences between the Catholic Church and other churches. One of the differences (at least in my mind) is the mature faith the Catholic Church builds into her children.

The road toward adulthood from childhood is marked by milestones: the transition between believing in fairy tales and realizing they're not reality, becoming a teenager, our sixteenth birthday and learning how to drive, our first job, and so on.

Everyone remembers these milestones. Some are common in our culture such as celebrating a "sweet sixteen" birthday party or graduation. Other milestones may be rather ordinary to most people but important to that individual. I remember the first time I was in a sit-down restaurant with a friend (and not with my family), I felt like I had entered into another room of "adulthood."

Catholicism has many of these milestones. (I realize other denominations, such as the Lutheran church, have their milestones, too and only proves my point.) Milestones mark a journey and often define a pathway toward a destination.

Looking back on my time within the non-denominational church, I can see there were no such milestones and as a result, few ways to measure progress. Let's say you joined a non-denominational church. Apart from the annual appeal to give toward a new fund or the annual church picnic, what else is there? For the children, what "markers" help them understand that they are to spiritually develop from a child to an adult?

There aren't many.

I've mentioned before how the liturgical season imprints upon us the timeless truths of our Christian faith. I'd also say the Sacraments of the Church do the same thing, accompanied by the catechism, sacramentals, the study of our Church's history, and all the various extra Catholic groups associate with the Church.

What I'm trying to say is that with each of those expressions of our faith, there is a pathway toward maturity. Maturity happens when one is entrusted with responsibility and can fulfill its expectations. It is a process. Maturity is an interior journey.

Although non-denominational churches give responsibility to emerging leaders, the interior development is often missed. Many times, I saw responsibility given to someone simply because they just happened to be in the "right place" at the "right time." I've also seen responsibility given to those who were too immature in their faith to handle it well. As a result, they were the equivalent of an insecure teenager being put in charge of roomful of college students. The Goodyear Blimp had nothing on the size of their heads.

I am so thankful I was raised Catholic. There is a humility instilled in Catholicism that can often be overlooked by those unfamiliar with its doctrine and traditions. I now realize that it was the beautiful rhythm and milestones that helped shape me into a responsible, thinking adult.

Being Catholic is a combination of many things: solid teaching, spiritual formation, understanding one's responsibilities, practicing love, compassion, and forgiveness; to name a few. It is through Baptism, First Communion, Confirmation, Confession, and discovering your vocation, that maturity in the faith occurs. My fellow Catholic brothers and sisters are among the most grounded and mature people I've ever met.

Adulthood seems to get pushed back with every generation. When I watch movies that were made in the 1930's, I'm amazed how "old" a twenty-one year old acts. Compare this to the typical twenty-one year old who is still living at home today and playing video games. I've read that "adulthood" doesn't really happen now until one is in their thirties.

Thankfully, the Catholic Church continues to produce mature believers. I am grateful for such wise instruction and committed support. We really do have the best spiritual parents, around.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

National Offend a Feminist Week! Sunday: Happy Mother's Day!

Thanks to Robert Stacy McCain, we're having big fun with "National Offend a Feminist Week!"

Today is the last day of this week's festivities. I really wasn't sure if I was going to be able to post something original for seven straight days, but then said, "What am I thinking? We're talking feminism, here! Of course there's enough material out there! In fact, probably more than enough!"

I was right. I learned more about feminism and especially the link between Marxism and feminism. I think it's sad how these women allowed anger and bitterness to overcome their lives. I think it's doubly tragic that instead of getting the deep psycho-analysis they need, they instead try to brainwash other women to swallow the insanity. Trust me. Hating on men and conservative women isn't healthy or normal.

My previous entries:

Monday: My History With Feminism
Tuesday: Someone Got To Me Before the Feminists
Wednesday: Where Are the Men?
Thursday: Women Want to Get Married
Friday: I Happily Took My Husband's Name
Saturday: I Gladly Submit to My Husband


Happy Mother's Day!

This will be more of a short and sweet post.

Mothers hold our lives together. They meticulously weave their love around us, watching over us, comforting us when we skin our knees, encouraging us when we've had a bad day, challenging us to not give up, and celebrate our victories.

I really miss my mom.

Even though she's been gone for five years, her influence in my life is indelibly printed upon my heart and mind. I am extremely blessed to have had one of the most loving moms around. She taught me how to read. She taught me how to cook. She taught me how to love.

Mothers and daughters share a special bond. A daughter looks up to her mother as a model for how to behave. My mom was a great model.

She instructed me how to look my best. She stressed the importance of presentation, knowing that often people will judge you quickly by the way you look. I remember learning about make-up from her, still applying my own make-up the way she did hers.

My mother was feminine. She delighted in feminine things like pretty perfume bottles, handbags and shoes, jewelry, and of course, her weekly visit to the hair salon. I'll never forget how my father would argue about such a necessity but she stood her ground. Looking back, I can see that was one of the rare times she was able to simply sit and let someone else do something for her without feeling obligated to return the favor.

My mother was no shrinking violet. She had her own strength and wasn't afraid to speak her mind. She didn't crumple when difficulties came but instead met them head-on. Even when my father was traveling for business (and she was pretty much a single mom during most of the week), she expertly directed my brother and I toward our responsibilities. I never felt as though our discipline was "on vacation" during those times. There was a certain way she expected us to behave and if we didn't, we'd get into trouble.

When I think of how mothers affect the world, I think of how they first influence their children. Mothers are the primary caretakers of their little ones, no matter how much "life balance" attempts are made between a husband and wife. It is the mothers who first train their children, beginning with potty training and tapering off with showing her college son how to properly load a washing machine.

Mothers' prepare us for life. Real life. Not with a bunch of theory but with practical applications. They also teach us to think and care about others. They teach us to share and play nice with others. They teach us to not lose our temper but to give ourselves time to work through a knotty problem.

When you think of all the positive ways a mother influences her children — and then how that child grows into a responsible adult and influence the world, you can see why some feminists seek to destroy the nuclear family, why they insist the government can do a better job of raising a child than a mother. Who are they kidding? The government has a tough time as it is responding to national disasters, even with plans drafted by a battalion of experts.

Those of us who have loving mothers understand the power of multi-tasking while still somehow providing a hot dinner or getting us to school on time. A mother is a combination of doctor, judge, cook, cleaner, counselor, and oracle (to name a few).

Thank God for mothers. I really don't know what we'd do without them.

If you still have your mom around, give her a kiss and a hug from me and thank her for raising a kid who didn't turn out too badly, after all. Maybe she'll give you that last piece of pie.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

National Offend a Feminist Week! Saturday: I Gladly Submit to My Husband

Thanks to Robert Stacy McCain, we're having big fun with "National Offend a Feminist Week!" Today's post is really going to drive feminists nuts.

My previous entries:

Monday: My History With Feminism
Tuesday: Someone Got To Me Before the Feminists
Wednesday: Where Are the Men?
Thursday: Women Want to Get Married
Friday: I Happily Took My Husband's Name


Today's post is a doozy.

I'm going to go where few women travel. In fact, this is an area where few Christian women would travel because it's so controversial.

But, hey — what do I care, right? Controversy is what makes the world go 'round. Besides, it's a topic Christian women need to understand before having a knee-jerk reaction to it.

I am speaking of submission.

And boy howdy, talk about a bundle of dynamite for feminists.

Submission is a concept that immediately brings to their mind a caveman dragging his woman by the hair back into his cave, where he'll force her to scrub the walls and cook his brontosaurus medium well-done. And then after she's spent, he'll demand sex where he won't care if she enjoys it or not.

The trouble with that picture is that it gives a false image of submission. Plus the fact that it assumes the man is the instigator of submission. Actually, it is the choice of a woman, not the dictate of a man.

You can't "make" someone submit to you. If you do, it's called bullying and the other person has no choice. If done by force, it's coercion.

However, true submission is a sublime, beautiful gift that can only be understood through the prism of a relationship with God.

For Christian women, one of the key models of submission is the Blessed Virgin Mary. She was a young girl, unmarried, and suddenly called by God to carry into the world His Son. She was visited by an angel to soothe her fears and she responded with courage and faith with what is known as The Magnificat:
My soul doth magnify the Lord. And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour. Because he hath regarded the humility of his handmaid; for behold from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed. Because he that is mighty, hath done great things to me; and holy is his name. And his mercy is from generation unto generations, to them that fear him. He hath shewed might in his arm: he hath scattered the proud in the conceit of their heart. He hath put down the mighty from their seat, and hath exalted the humble. He hath filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he hath sent empty away. He hath received Israel his servant, being mindful of his mercy: As he spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his seed for ever. (Luke 1:46-55)

Humility is the predecessor of submission. It's tough to be proud and then submit to anything. Humility softens us and prepares us for those times when we're given the choice to either submit or not.

As I said before, submission is a gift. It is a gift to the one we submit to but also a gift to ourselves. The reason for this is because each time we make the choice to think of someone else's benefit instead of ours, we've walked in the same direction as Jesus Christ.

Some may think that submission in a marriage amounts to a husband telling his wife what to do and she does it. Although this may be true to a certain extent, I think of submission in much broader terms.

The Greek word for submission in the New Testament is hypotassō. The definition includes this: to yield to one's admonition and advice.

Some men unfortunately think submission is when a woman is simply to obey some command of theirs, without thought. These same men often use the scripture verses of Ephesians 5:22, 5:24, and Col. 3:18 as a justification for their own selfish desires. This is not what God intended when the word "submit" was used. In fact, in Ephesians 5:25, it says "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." (emphasis mine)

This is a sacrificial love, a love that seeks to serve — not order someone about, according to one's whims. Yes, wives are to trust their husbands but their husbands are also reminded that they are to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

So what does submission look like?

Well, in my life, I am certainly a project in process. I am not a docile lady. At times, I can be downright cantankerous. However, I also seek to be pleasing to God. I'll give you a few examples of how I live out the calling of submission.

My husband recently bought a metal detector. He wanted to head out today to use it on a beach near a lake. I was still working on this post. He had to work overtime today and I knew when he'd come home, he'd most likely have metal-detecting on his mind. I was right.

Now, did I really want to go with him? Not particularly. However, it was a chance to enjoy the weather and spend some quality time with my husband. I chose to go and we had a fun time (Even if all we found were bits of aluminum foil, a young girl's hair barrette, and a piece of glass.).

Another example: I was asking for my husband's advice regarding a marketing question. I wanted to try one approach (which would have included driving to a store and asking people questions) but he thought it was better to set up an online poll. Although I saw the expediency of his idea, I still really wanted to do my idea. However, I viewed it as an opportunity to submit and I did. As it turned out, his way was just fine and I saved some gas.

Some might split hairs on these examples, thinking the first one wasn't really submission and the second one, just a tad more so than the first. To the naysayers, I'd simply shrug. The way I see it, submission is a personal journey for every woman and it's not going to look the same because not every woman has the same personality.

If a woman is meek and leans more toward people-pleasing behavior, then those two examples might not mean as much. But for someone like me, who usually believes that her way is the right way every time and after 39 years of being single, is used to doing whatever she wants, whenever she wants to do it — well, it's a big step in the right direction.

There have been times when I've held my tongue when debating things with my husband. Other times I've accepted what he's said without quarrel. And then there have been the few times when a decision has to be made and I've submitted to his choice.

All of these times have been opportunities to love my husband, respect him, and trust in God. These are not easy choices when we have a worldly ideology that tells women that it's just fine to do what we want without any consideration whatsoever toward our husbands. Not everything in my marriage has to be a battle and I am not in a war to win my position every time I come up against resistance.

Marriage has helped me grow because it's demanded I put aside my own selfishness. As I make the choices to submit in my own way, I feel a little less shackled by that selfishness and a little more freer to be God's channel of love toward my husband.

I don't expect feminists to understand this. They really can't. Feminism focuses so much on the individuality of the woman that there's no room to think of anyone else. And if you add to that a deep-seated resentment of men, then it makes it even more difficult.

Not everything has to be that difficult. Constant fighting and resistance expends a lot of creative energy that could be put to better use. Women are truly in the position of power within a marriage. Choose to fight a man every step of the way and life will be unpleasant, indeed.

But if a woman learns how to bend and yield on occasion, a marriage can be like heaven on earth.

Long ago, there was a controversial book written in the 60's, Fascinating Womanhood. Feminists hated it. The author, Helen Andelin, recommended to wives a bold strategy for "making their marriages a lifelong love affair": consider the feelings of their husbands.

She is very specific with her advice and millions (yes, millions) of women tested her theories and were surprised to find they worked! I highly recommend this book. It is full of wisdom. Many women were able to take a marriage that previously was on life support, and transformed it to a fully alive marriage once again. The advice is that solid.

Men and women are different. God created us that way and His commandments to the husband and wife are different because of our unique roles within His Kingdom. Something doesn't seem right when you see an extremely bossy woman and a meek, submissive man. There is something innate within a woman that knows a man is to have a certain level of assertiveness. And somehow women understand that men can only take so much bossiness before they've had it.

Submission is a delicate topic, and I'm afraid I've gone after it like a bull in a china closet. But I do hope for those who've read this far, who as soon as they heard the word "submission," shouted a hearty "Oh, hell no!..." at least will pray about it and be open to what God shows them.

You may be surprised. In fact, I know you will be. The fruits of this type of obedience to our Christian faith are numerous, and your life will hold a special kind of joy. The jadedness that has come with having to swim in this worldly muck will be removed and you'll find there is another way.

And, you'll find peace.

What's not to love?

Friday, May 11, 2012

National Offend a Feminist Week! Friday: I Happily Took My Husband's Name

Thanks to Robert Stacy McCain, we're having big fun with "National Offend a Feminist Week!" I almost forgot how fun it is to expose the evils of feminism.

Make sure to check out the trackbacks in the comment section. Other bloggers are also having a blast with NOFW.

My previous entries:

Monday: My History With Feminism
Tuesday: Someone Got To Me Before the Feminists
Wednesday: Where Are the Men?
Thursday: Women Want to Get Married


I love being married.

Not only do I feel fulfilled as a wife, my "personhood" (to use the parlance of feminism), has developed in a way that never could have happened as a single.

I have bloomed like a soft, pink rose...

(I know. I'm being ridiculously naughty.)

When I was single, I fought quite a bit with God. On one hand, I really did want to get married but on the other hand, I had to cope with the possibility that it wasn't God's will. I have been outside of God's will enough times to know that life is so much better within it. Laying our own desires before God, knowing that it could be a sacrifice and not a feast, is the one of the traits of our faith. Trust and obey.

Back in the 60's, feminists raged against marriage and they still do. Marlene Dixon, a feminist firebrand of those times, wanted to see the institution of marriage end. She said, "The institution of marriage is the chief vehicle for the perpetuation of the oppression of women; it is through the role of wife that the subjugation of women is maintained." (Wikipedia, but the link is broken in the reference area. However, I found more rainbows and lollipops from Dixon elsewhere, as seen below.)

Feminists hate marriage for a few reasons. First, they believe it subjugates a woman to the demands of her husband. Second, it's a contract that according to them, leaves women with the short end of the stick. (More housework, increased risk for domestic violence, isolation..) Third, it protects the nuclear family, which radical feminism seeks to destroy.

Did you know that marriage is linked to evil capitalism and subjugates woman by forcing her to reproduce all these little consumers to maintain "the system?" Now it becomes clearer why the Occupy Wall Street movement was hell-bent on harassing parents trying to take their little toddlers to school. (Note: the article I linked to with the "evil capitalism" sentence is a scary read. Not only does it rip into marriage and families, but it explains the insanely evil idea that population control is the only way to bring justice to a 'rotten' system.)

If you ever wanted to understand the link between Marxism and feminism, it is this: private property, according to Marx, was the foundation of the 'enslavement' of women. As long as a man held the deed to the house, a woman was bound to him. Marx found an eager audience with feminists by demonizing capitalism, claiming it oppressed women and forced them into an inescapable, unequal position within society.

Except now we live in an age where many women make more money than men. They buy their own property and can hardly be called "oppressed" by anyone.

For whatever reason, hard-core feminists can't see the forest for the trees.

Even as recently as 2009, when Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the best-seller Eat, Pray, Love, married (and then wrote a book about it: Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage), some feminists felt she betrayed them.

Seriously. Wall Street Journal writer, Charlotte Hays, was so disappointed with Gilbert's decision to wed, that she penned these words (emphasis mine):

Such women rarely remain single—even if they profess to be feminists. Noting that Gloria Steinem advised women that they "should strive to become like the men they always wanted to marry," Ms. Gilbert adds: "If I am to truly become an autonomous woman, then I must take over that role of being my own guardian." But, confronted with Felipe, who calls her "darling" and seems to Ms. Gilbert a character from a Graham Greene novel, she succumbs with only a token struggle.

Succumbs? Token struggle? How many heaving-bosum books has Hays read? The condescension and belittling of marriage is in full battle regalia.

Here's what God says about marriage:
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." - Genesis 2:18 (RSV)

The operative word there is alone.

Throughout all my years of studying scripture, I have been deeply touched by God's desire that we know we are not alone. From the very beginning, He made it clear that Adam was built for relationship. First, with his Creator, and then with woman. All of us, whether married or unmarried, are built for relationship.

This is why men and women gravitate toward one another and seek a lifelong commitment. This is why love is such a big deal. Because we want to have a loving relationship with someone that will last the rest of our life.

Radical feminism, which I believe comes straight from the pit of hell, will do anything it can to destroy a loving relationship. They'll call it "oppressive" and says it subjugates women. So what is a woman to do? Embrace an ideology that oppresses them even more and makes them miserable? It would seem so.

And they do this with a passion, believing somehow that robbing a woman of her desire to love a man, to give of herself freely to him as an declaration of her commitment —is somehow vindicated because after all, it keeps a woman from being "used."

Well, I've got news for all those self-appointed love-destoyer, emotional-Nazis: Back off. Women love men and they love being a man's wife. They love taking his last name as their own, not because they feel like they're being branded but because they're being protected.

And yes, there are still many women around who love that they have a husband who cares for them enough that they'll watch over them. It has absolutely nothing to do with "ownership" but everything to do with John 15:13:
Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Love is what strengthens us and brings out the beauty in life. Love elevates us to a higher place and makes us a better person. Love for a spouse nourishes us and allows us to become conduits of God's grace and mercy. There is nothing like loving your spouse when all is well and especially when all is not. It is when love is tested that it shines the brightest. And like gold being purified by fire, so is a marriage's strength purified by trials and difficulties.

That is something that all the activist rallies in the world cannot, and will not bring. And it is why radical feminism will never build anything worth having.

Links of interest:

Ms. Magazine: Who Wants to Marry a Feminist?

Ask Amy: A reader asks about the feminist's view of marriage

The Dangerous Rise of Sexual Politics

Marxist Feminism

Thursday, May 10, 2012

National Offend a Feminist Week! Thursday: Women Want to Get Married

Thanks to Robert Stacy McCain, we're having big fun with "National Offend a Feminist Week!" I am thoroughly enjoying myself.

Make sure to check out the trackbacks in the comment section. Other bloggers are also having a blast with NOFW.

My previous entries:



So I mentioned before that I was a relationship coach for single women over 40 who were looking for love. I did this for a little over three years.

I made the distinction of saying "looking for love" as opposed to "wanting a husband" because after a few workshops, I found that some women didn't want to get married but did want companionship.

However, the majority of the women who attended my workshops (and those I coached), wanted to get married.

I started this type of coaching back in 2004 because I knew how challenging it was to be an older woman in the dating arena. I didn't marry until I was 39 and realized years earlier that the dating landscape had changed drastically.

When I was in my twenties, there were plenty of single people and lots of activities to keep me busy. However, toward my late twenties and early thirties, I realized that the pool of eligible single men had dwindled significantly, many of them finding wives during those years. I was heavily involved with ministry work and assumed I'd meet a nice, respectable man at church. Huge assumption and completely wrong. I'm not sure what the experience is with other Christian women, but I will say I never got a date through my church.

When I turned 35, I knew I had to do something different.

I began to check the weekly newspapers for interesting events or groups to join. I made an effort to be "out and about" after my workday instead of heading home and becoming a couch potato. I joined the YMCA and started to exercise more. Although most of my attempts to meet eligible men fell through, I was starting to feel pretty good about myself. I was eating more nutritional foods, exercising regularly, and socializing more than I had since my college days.

At that time, the singles events I found seemed to attract more of an "over 50" crowd than over 35. I remember walking into one singles dance and immediately saw a crowd of men and women in their fifties and sixties. I turned around and walked out.

The point is, I kept trying. Once you're past 35, you have to start getting creative to meet men. That means employing the assistance of friends and family. You may be surprised how many of them thought I was happy being single. I explained that although I was content, I still wanted to find a husband. I asked them to keep me in mind if they met any single men who were around my age. They agreed.

It wasn't until I moved back to my hometown that things started to happen. I joined an online writing community and met an interesting man. However, he lived in the state of Washington and I was in Ohio. I joined a cycling club and met more men.

Then I visited an online Christian chat room, although I viewed it as a harmless diversion just before I headed to bed. Lo and behold, that is how I met my husband.

We met through the chat room, exchanged email addresses, and then began a correspondence that lasted a little over one month before we finally decided to meet. I was already half-way in love with him but after we met, I knew for sure. We were married four months later. (And just celebrated our tenth anniversary last December, so we've endured!)

But back to "Offend a Feminist Week."

I wanted to give a little backstory to my own history regarding dating and being very clear with my friends and family that I wanted to get married.

It seems that many women are almost embarrassed to admit this — that they want to get married.

And as usual, I blame feminism for it.

When I was giving my workshop, "5 Ways to Find a Husband After 40," I was contacted by a local library. Would I be interested in joining their fall program by offering the workshop for them?  I said I'd be delighted.

A few weeks later, I received a phone call. The program director nervously told me that she had to "disinvite me."

"Oh?" I said. "May I ask why?"

"Well," she slowly said. "The board rejected the workshop."

I was surprised. They only had the title to reject since I didn't share the details of the presentation with anyone. It wasn't so much that it was a secret, it just was that no one asked for the content. I believe the title was pretty self-explanatory.

As it turned out, the director went on to say that in all the 10+ years she had organized the speakers, she had never had an issue with the board regarding any of them. I suspected something and decided to have a little fun.

"So, was it only one person who objected?" I asked. It was. A woman.

"Is this woman by chance, single?" The director answered yes. I asked if she happened to lean toward feminism.

The director at this point was chuckling. "Not only is she a feminist, but she's a lesbian. In her words, after I announced the title at the meeting, this woman huffed and said, 'No way will we offer such a presentation in this library! The title in itself is offensive!'"

I then told the director that if that was the case, then it was amazing this woman wasn't offended by the library itself, since the section on relationships were filled with books on finding love and getting married!

I was annoyed by the whole thing but at the time, toward the beginning of my coaching business, so I didn't want to start off on the wrong foot by suing someone. But I could have.

What I explained to the director, and to anyone who had questions about what I did during these workshops, was that women had the choice to attend them and if they wanted to get married, I wanted to help. I wasn't holding a gun to anyone's head. And besides, wasn't it the feminists who said they wanted women to have "choices?" And if a woman chose marriage, wasn't that a valid choice?

Apparently not.

This is the problem women like me have with feminism. It claims to be about choice but choose a path that feminists don't agree with and you'll suffer their scorn. I'll never forget watching a film which had the main character sitting with a group of her career-focused friends. She just had a baby. When asked by her friends when she planned on returning to her job, she confessed she wasn't, and instead she would be staying home full-time with her new baby. The icy looks exchanged spoke volumes. The nerve of a "modern" woman choosing to stay home with her kid!

Some of the women who came to my workshops actually seemed apologetic and slightly ashamed for having a desire to be married. It was almost as if they thought they had let their team down. I spent time emphasizing the fact that it was just fine if a woman wanted to remain single but just as fine if she wanted to get married. The important thing, I said, was knowing what you really wanted. (I counseled Christian women a little differently, but overall tried to help women not feel guilty if they really wanted to be married.)

This exposes a weakness in feminism's argument. You can't tell women that feminism is all about having choices but then take away some of those choices. Nor is it fair to judge one choice as more important than another. Many women want to get married. Many of them want to raise a family. Just because a woman wants that does not make her stupid, oppressed, ignorant, a slave to men's needs, or intellectually dishonest. It simply makes her authentic.

This condescension exhibited by women toward women for wanting something that has existed for thousands of years is laughable if they weren't so doggone serious. Radical feminists think marriage is an old cultural tradition that places women in bondage. But as I said, there are many women who would like nothing more than to meet a wonderful man, fall in love, and get married.

I suspect there are some women who fell in with feminism and lived their lives as unmarried career women for many, many years. Suddenly, they wake up and realize they're fifty-years old and most single men around their age are on their second marriage to a women at least ten years younger. I wouldn't be surprised if they felt as though they had been duped.

Not everyone is called to be married. Catholics believe it is a vocation and in the Church, singlehood is just as valid of a calling. But for those of us who follow Jesus Christ, we are expected to pray and ask God what His will would be for our lives.

Because when you get right down to it. choices made separate from God won't ever bring joy. This perhaps is at the heart of why I so loathe feminism. It is a direct rejection of God's role in a woman's life. As a woman of faith, I am called to trust God. There were many years during my twenties that I wanted to be married but it was not to be. I had to come to grips with trusting in God for His timing for marriage, and also accept the possibility that He was calling me to live a single's life.

I've mentioned this before on this blog but will share the story again:

When I was in Charlotte, North Carolina, attending a ministry school, I had a revelation. I don't say that lightly, because as far as I'm concerned, a revelation is when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that what just entered your mind was not from you but came from above.

I was driving to class and my mind was drifting. Suddenly, I opened my mouth and this sentence came out: "Feminism is women's attempt to gain security apart from God."

Simple. Profound. And it made perfect sense.

Feminists expend a great deal of energy trying to convince people they're worth something. that their ideas are important or they're capable of great accomplishments. Why is this so important?

Because these same women feel unappreciated, disrespected, or minimized in some way. But guess what? They're looking for validation from the world.

Once I started to go deep in my relationship with God and find my validation through Him, everything in my life changed. I found my security, my strength, and my sense of worth through Him.

That is why Christianity is so dangerous and why radicals throughout the world seek to destroy it.

Because it triumphs over the world.

And feminists absolutely, completely, and with a pure, driven passion — hate it.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

National Offend a Feminist Week! Wednesday: Where Are the Men?

As mentioned before, National Offend a Feminist Week is the brainchild of Robert Stacy McCain, who started this "week" as a joke. He also writes some pretty good commentary about the political scene.  

Monday's contribution is here.
Tuesday's is here.

Today's contribution to NOFW is below.

"Where are all the men?" My twentysomething cousin asked plaintively. We had just finished our Christmas dinner and she was in the midst of telling me about a new man she had met at a yoga retreat. (I know.)

My cousin is a very sweet young woman. She is incredibly warm, giving, and compassionate. However, she confided in me that she was having trouble meeting "responsible men."

"Responsible men?" I asked with a slight frown. "Can you elaborate?"

"Oh, you know. Guys who have a dependable job and can pay their bills. Guys who know how to take care of life's usual responsibilities as an adult. Guys who can take charge every once in awhile instead of expecting me to make all the decisions."

"Ah," I said. "You want a real man. Well, you can blame feminism for this."

She didn't completely understand my answer and I tried to explain it as best I could; considering the fact I was talking to a woman who grew up around boys who had already been emasculated by the time they were seven years old. Or at least heavily mocked for being a "stupid jock" if they acted like a man.

I most definitely blame feminism for what has happened to our men.

Years ago, Susan Faludi (no stranger to feminism, herself), wrote a book called Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man. From Amazon's book description (emphasis mine):

One of the most talked-about books of last year, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author of Backlash now explores the collapse of traditional masculinity that has left men feeling betrayed.  
... As traditional masculinity continues to collapse, the once-valued male attributes of craft, loyalty, and social utility are no longer honored, much less rewarded. Faludi's journey through the modern masculine landscape takes her into the lives of individual men whose accounts reveal the heart of the male dilemma. Stiffed brings us into the world of industrial workers, sports fans, combat veterans, evangelical husbands, militiamen, astronauts, and troubled "bad" boys— whose sense that they've lost their skills, jobs, civic roles, wives, teams, and a secure future is only one symptom of a larger and historic betrayal.
This is the result of feminism hijacking the education system and punishing boys for being boys. This is the fruit from the "All Men Are Pigs" programming on TV. This is what happens when contraception was introduced into society, ostensibly to bring about a "sexual revolution" but instead destroyed the role of man as the provider.

After all, if you have a woman who willingly has sex without the commitment of marriage, then why would you feel the need to protect her much less provide for her? Add the fact that many women will nearly rip a man's head off if he even so much as hints that she needs help.

Is it any wonder men take the safer route and simply plant themselves on the couch, scarfing down Nacho-flavored Doritos and forfeits any serious decision-making? After all, it's been pounded into his head since birth that he really doesn't have any idea what he's doing. And if he tries to do something (It could be anything. Like loading a dishwasher.), it most certainly is wrong.

This is the bitter fruit of feminism.

Not only did it ruin women, it ruined women's natural desire to admire and respect men for the awesome creatures that they are. Just about any red-blooded woman (apart from the humorless 60's crowd) will find herself drawn to a man who knows his worth and isn't afraid to speak his mind. Women still love what I call "real men," although far too many younger men have had the "realness" beaten out of them.

You know a real man when you see one. He's usually the one who gets out of bed at midnight to drive to his girlfriend's broken-down car on the side of the highway. He's the one who sends steely glares toward any troublemakers before they try anything. He's the one who courteously helps a woman with a large load of boxes and brushes off her exuberant words of appreciation by saying, "No problem. Have a good one."

I've been around plenty of men like that and I adore them. I also give thanks to God for giving me one as my husband. You know how he won my heart?

It was during our second date. We were attending the annual Labor Day fireworks show in Cincinnati. This event draws thousands of people to the riverfront each year. The fireworks are simply breathtaking and many event-goers are known for setting up camp early in the morning just to get a good seat. Many families attend, but there are also the usual assortment of seedier types who arrive half-drunk and proceed to get drunker with every hour.

My husband, his friend, and I were sitting on a blanket, enjoying the weather and festivities. Suddenly, I got up and announced I was headed toward the restrooms. My future husband rose to his feet.

"Oh!" I said innocently, "Do you need to visit the restrooms, too?"

He smiled. "No, but I'll accompany you. There's no way I'll let you go through a crowd like this unescorted."

You could have knocked me over with a feather.

Never, and I mean never, had I experienced a man so concerned with my safety. Up to that point, I had dated either two types of men: sarcastic self-absorbed or men who had their backbone surgically removed. The kind of man I term a "real man" seemed to trot happily after the blond Barbie-doll types but I was no Barbie-doll.

My future husband then gallantly offered his arm and away we went. I never felt so valued as a woman as I did in that moment.

This is what feminism has tried to steal and damn near succeeded.

There are still men like this. They many not be as common as they were in the fifties, but they exist. And if I could truly speak from my heart to my beautiful cousin, this is what I'd like to say:

"Praise men. Praise them for all the good they bring into the world. Thank them for helping you. Notice all the ways they try to please you and then make a big deal out of it like there's no tomorrow. Admire them and bat those big baby blues when they help you carry something twice your size. Murmur that you wouldn't know what you would have done without them. Look for ways to make them feel as though they're not irrelevant. Focus on their accomplishments. And for the love of pete, if they load the dishwasher wrong, so what? Thank them for helping out. 
Quit micro-managing them and appreciate them for all their glorious maleness. Remember they are not a "do-it-yourself" project. Cherish the fact that men are men, not women, and when your back is up against the wall, you'll need a real man to come alongside you — not Judy your BBF. Love men and recognize that without them, we'd be completely and utterly bored and lonely. 
Oh, and one more thing. It wouldn't hurt to dress up a little and leave the sweatpants at home." 

Guys like that kind of stuff.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

National Offend a Feminist Week! Tuesday: Someone Got to Me Before the Feminists

As mentioned before, National Offend a Feminist Week is the brainchild of Robert Stacy McCain, who not only is wickedly smart, but funny. Smart, funny writing isn't as easy to find as you might think, so make sure to check out his blog. And if you hang around long enough, you'll most likely be asked to "hit the freakin' tip jar!" I mean, this is the type of guy who actually believes a journalist ought to go out and interview people instead of Googling them.

What's not to love?


Yesterday I gave you a little background about my history with feminism. But guess who got to me before the feminists?

Phyllis Schlafly.

Yep. You got it. The woman who single-handedly kept the ERA from being amended to the Constitution also happened to be the author of a book that was featured on the top ledge of a bookcase in my high school library. What is ironic is that my all-girls Catholic high school had a strong contingent of "progressive" teachers. The fact that a Schlafly book existed in the library (let alone being so prominently displayed), was in itself a minor miracle.

But the title grabbed me, The Power of the Positive Woman, and I grabbed the book. I was sixteen years old and immediately developed a girl-crush on Schlafly. Here was a woman I could relate to: strong, smart, talented, and not afraid of her own femininity. I was impressed to learn that Schlafly attended the Washington University School of Law and earned her J.D. in 1978. This in itself was quite an accomplishment. Schlafly claimed that no special amendment was needed to open any doors for her. She created her own opportunities and sailed ahead on her own steam, thank you very much.

For that, I instantly fell in love with her.

And I was about to find out something extraordinary. As a young woman developing my own ideas about my capabilities, strengths, and talents — I found it rather astonishing that many feminists were so quick to lean on the government to create their destinies. I mean, wasn't the whole point of feminism to say that a woman was strong and able to do pretty much whatever she put her mind to do? If that was the case, then why the need to fuss around with the Constitution?

It didn't make sense to me. And even though I was thoroughly wet behind the ears, something inside told me to listen well to Schlafly.

I can't remember everything about that book, but what I do remember is the strong sense of personal responsibility it instilled in me. Schlafly's words were actually further proof of what my parents were already teaching me: Don't expect the world to give you anything. There is no such thing as a free lunch. Lazy people don't eat.

You get the point.

I learned a wonderful thing as I heard those admonitions from my parents and then read supporting opinions in books like Schlafly's. The wonderful thing was that, indeed, I was the captain of my own destiny. Not the government. Not a bunch of activists who claimed they were "fighting" for my rights.


This is something that intimidates feminists. They cannot believe that all of the desires of the early feminists have been achieved. Women today can literally do anything. In fact, they often can do more than men. For example, watch a young girl insist that she be allowed to try out for an all-male sports team. Of course everyone will make sure she has that opportunity.

But if a boy tries out for an all-girls sports team? Well, that's a different story. He's not allowed because after all, he might be better than most of the girls.

Silly attempts to equalize sports is pretty much all the feminists have left.

Women can get whatever job they want, and at times, they don't even have to be the most qualified candidate. Men no longer sexually harass them at work. After watching a few episodes of Mad Men, it was evident that women had to fight off their own co-workers to be able to get work done. Even then, many times the men would steal their ideas and call them their own.

But that doesn't happen as often anymore, and most men who act like that are mocked if not reprimanded by H.R. No one wants to be That Guy who was slapped on the wrist for being a little too cozy with his hands.

Yes, women in the sixties worked hard to be taken seriously. I'd still say there are some situations where a woman still has to do this. But more than anything, I look at the opportunities that we have as women (especially women in the United States) and am deeply grateful for such bounty.

When I consider the woman I've become (highly opinionated, feisty, and no one's doormat), I realize that my development came from a variety of sources. First, God gets most of the credit. If I hadn't spent an important phase of my life begging Him for wisdom, I wouldn't be even a fraction of the woman I am today.

Secondly, I credit God for answering my prayers when I made a simple request of Him on an ongoing basis: "Please, God. Make me the woman You want me to be. Help me understand what You had in mind when You created a woman." And answer me, He did. I am by no means perfect, but I know who I was when I was twenty and who I am now. Any improvements belong to Him.

It was God who gave me the firm understanding that women are His way of civilizing the world. It is women who bring the "soft touch" to this challenging life. Women create a nurturing home, which brings life to the world in more ways than one. Women shape the lives of their children, encouraging them to believe in themselves. Women help build self-esteem in their children, present when her offspring fall down but urging them to rise and start again.

Women rock this world.

And I say this with all the love and pride in my heart toward being a woman and without stealing one bolt of thunder from men — for without men, we'd be hosed. So thank God for men, too! But women have a very special role and I feel that too often, they forget about that when they focus on trying to be a man. Let the men be men, I say. (And catch the mice, lift the heavy furniture, and provide all the stability we women so crave..)

I learned at an early age that I simply had to believe in myself in order to get something done. A fierce sense of independence was lit in me when I read Phyllis Schlafly. And that light has never gone out.

So by the time I stepped into that feminist bookstore back in 1981, I already had a full artillery of my own sense of power.

Those feminists never had a chance with me.

Monday, May 7, 2012

National Offend a Feminist Week! Monday: My History With Feminism

Some who stumble upon this dusty little blog may wonder, what is National Offend a Feminist Week and how did it start?

Well, it begins with a brilliant reporter named Robert Stacy McCain.

You see, McCain started this "celebratory week" of tweaking feminists back in 2009. It's all in fun, but also a great excuse to focus on why many of us hate feminism. And by "us," I'm referring mostly to women. Because we absolutely hate the fact that so many feminists want to lop all women together in supporting the most destructive ideology ever created since the dawn of time. No wonder Marxists love them. Angry, jealous, bitter misery loves company.

And so, I'm going to do something I've never done before with this blog.

I'm going to write an entry every day this week about why feminism sucks.

Yep. I'm not pulling punches and at times it may even get down and dirty. But what do I care? No one is sponsoring me so if anyone has an issue with what I say, they can boycott Blogger. (Take that, Google!)

But first, a little background.

I don't write for any large publications. I don't attend glamorous blogger conferences where everyone knows who I am and I certainly am not invited to be part of any panel. I'm a regular woman who has experienced (and observed) the detrimental effect feminism has had on our women, our men, our families, communities, cities, states, and nation. (And Hillary Clinton made sure the poison was pumped into the world.)

I didn't always hate feminism. In fact, when I was twenty, I started to get pulled into the whole "womyn" scene. (Or "wimmin," "wymyn," "wimyn," take your pick. They hate men so much that they cannot abide having the letters "m-a-n" in a word associated with them.)

In 1982, I started to frequent a feminist bookstore. I was originally drawn to it because I believed in the power of women, their creativity, and the thought they should get paid every bit as much as a man if they were doing the same job. I have a strong sense of fairness that was instilled in me by a set of parents who taught me the value of hard work and productivity. I reasoned that if I worked hard, then daggonit, I deserved to be compensated with the same salary as a man.

So in my eyes, pursuing feminism seemed... well, fair.

The first thing I noticed when I started to read feminist books was their quick demonization of two things: men and the Bible. I found that odd since I consider other religions much more oppressive toward women than Christianity. So that was one red flag. As for the "Men Are Pigs" attitude, I didn't really feel that way. Sure, I had met my share of jerks, but to paint all men as being evil was over-the-top. If women didn't like being objectified by men, then why would women use the same tactic and objectify men?

I was about to get an up-close-and-personal view of the War On Men.

In fact, that may be the theme I'll go for this week. Not sure, yet. But that's an accurate title for what I experienced as I explored feminism.

Feminism is destructive. In order to gain power, they have to destroy what they see as the status quo. And to feminists, the status quo is marriage and motherhood. These two societal institutions are also linked to Christianity, so of course, that has to be destroyed, too. All under the guise of "freeing" women from their chains of oppression. (Which reminds me: when I gave dating workshops for single women over 40 who were looking for love -- they would have done anything to have been bound in those chains. But that's another story.)


I read a bunch of books. I attended feminist workshops and events. And I began to notice something odd.

These women weren't happy.

I mean, really. They weren't one bit happy. They were so obsessed about hating men, hating marriage, hating motherhood, and hating men (Did I say that one already? It really was a sandwich-cookie of hate.  They hated everything but it began and ended with men.), that they were heavy with it. It was like a fog that surrounded them, all that hate.

Did I ever hear a light-hearted giggle from among them? Nope. And rarely a smile, either.

In fact, I've noticed that, ahem... a certain religion (In fact, I think it has something to do with peace), also doesn't have a sense of humor. From what I've heard, neither did the Nazi's.

Must be a trait of fascism or something.

Back to my observations: Everything I read and observed was just So Doggone Serious that if you even tried to crack a joke, you'd be accused of not taking The Struggle seriously enough. At the time, I was trying to find books about Christianity and feminism. This was in the early 80's, so the pickings were mighty slim, thank God. Because if there were more books about "Christian feminism" then I could have ended up writing for some feminist blog and would have been in the Catholic Church at this point demanding that women be ordained as priests. *shiver*

Feminists don't build bridges. They burn them. They don't create. They destroy. I'm a keen observer of people and I quickly surmised that feminism had morphed into this hydra-headed monster of a screeching banshee. While feminism had started as way for women to be treated equally, they now were treating those who did not agree with them with equal contempt. Suffice it to say I thought it was a real drag and really didn't want to have a beer with such humorless creatures.

So after a lot of Bible study and private prayer, I got the message loud and clear that this was not the path God wanted me on. And so I left it.

More tomorrow.